I think im going to throw up on grandma
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
