This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
