Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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