it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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