If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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