The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
