OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I smell stomach acid.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
