Tell her she can't have a vagina
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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