She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
