Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
