i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I lost the right to judge tonight
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
