Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
