Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Even my vagina gasped.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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