Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
