is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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