WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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