I looked at my own cervix.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
