i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
