Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
