I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
