your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
