dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
