I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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