I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
