Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
