Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
