like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
