weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
