woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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