She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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