He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
