Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
