Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
