East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
