Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
