Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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