My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
