I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
