my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
