positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
