You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's shark week go big or go home
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
