every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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