I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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