we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
