just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His nipple licking is glorious
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