erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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