Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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