I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
