is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
