3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
