we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
