just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
