Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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