when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
