You're so nebulous sometimes
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
