I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
