it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
one might say we're banned from that church
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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